As a Christian, I sometimes participate in social media groups to suggest ideas for couples looking for support in their marriages.
Recently, the topic came up on one forum where it was asked how women submit to their husbands and the infamous Bible verse, “Ephesians 5:22 (KJV) – Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord,” standing all by itself.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)
By the time, I found the post there were numerous responses. I read through many and some I just scrolled past. I was consumed with the number of wives who say they just let their husbands make the decisions and handle the finances. It seems someone jumped in their heads and told these wives that managing their own money and making their own decisions was somehow “disobeying” or “sinful”.
Marriage roles – husbands v. wives
Truth be, it’s quite likely they surmised these interpretations themselves. Why – is the question I’m left pondering:
- Could it be that they are deferring responsibilities?
- Do they believe this somehow makes them a better wife to be less of an woman?
- Is this woman in an abusive marriage?
- Maybe adulting is too difficult for these ladies?
Should wives submit to husbands?
I’ve yet to find in any Biblical teaching that women are to step down and not hold any weight in their marriages according to their own thoughts, beliefs, and abilities. To the contrary, Genesis 2:16-17 demonstrates that people have the ability of free will to choose for themselves, if they wish. I weigh the thoughts that if we were given free will by our Maker at birth, then why, oh why would women force themselves to become slaves of their spouses upon saying, I do? (Yes, I used a very sensitive word here. But, it makes the point!) I don’t believe that is the intent of Ephesians 5.
In this particular group, I find that many participants are fearful about saying anything somewhat argumentative. Instead, they very often are overly agreeable. I daresay that many times their responses are common virtue signaling.
Frankly, I fervently disagree with this kind of behavior. I also disagree with the generalized interpretation from Ephesians 5; verses 21 through 33. Be sure to note that many omit verse 21 in citing this teaching. I invite you to read it and comment.
Maybe it is often that people like to pick and choose their verses to suit their situation and perhaps this example is one of those times?
In my opinion and understanding of these teachings, the author is telling the people that a marriage relationship requires give and take from both persons, a balanced dance throughout the remainder of their lifetimes and not singularly defined and forgotten forever. I’ve been married for over 30 years and learned that the delicate dance is required for both persons.
Times arise when the ‘normal duties’ the husband or wife carries has to be adjusted on short notice. Having worked with my spouse to figure out our balance over these decades, I know there are times when it’s my turn to ensure the trash is emptied or that I have to carry the heavy things which normally is something that he would handle. And, it’s true in reverse.
Unlock your marriage roles
There are many moving parts to a successful marriage. If you want to make yours unshakeable, come work with me. Together, we’ll explore topics like this (if you choose) and others including: money decisions, work/life family balance, emotional exchanges, perpetual problems, and managing extended family.
- The 90-Minute Simmer
- The 10-Hour Feast
- The Chef’s Table
